thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
