Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
