you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
