So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
