You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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