i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
