He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
