fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
