Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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