Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
