You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
