Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
