four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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