yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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