I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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