i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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