is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dick very happy bro
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
