His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
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I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I won't apologize to a one balled man
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I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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