It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
