so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
