I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
