And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
