I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
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Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
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Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure