You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i used baking grease as lip gloss
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.