it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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