I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!