Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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