There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.