he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
