all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
