Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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