I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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