She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
