The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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