im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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