when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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