I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
