Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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