You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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