The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I need to calm my uterus...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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