please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
