My brain says no but my pants say off.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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