Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
