Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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