I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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