wrigley field is MILF paradise
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
