We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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