I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
