So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
