what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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