We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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