Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
