so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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