So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
