I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
