i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
