you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
