you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
