i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she smelled like a LAN party
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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