Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
