your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There's always time for handjobs
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
