We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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