I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
