Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i will never coherently bang her
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have tasted many bathrooms
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
