Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
