Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
