the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
