Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
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I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
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He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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