I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
