I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
