i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
