i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
