I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
