I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
