Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
