Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
