ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
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She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
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A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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