when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
